I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
