Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
