did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
