Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
