Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
