Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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