My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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