His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
