sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
