I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
