He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
