Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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