you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
