I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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