I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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