we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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