our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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