The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
