remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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