I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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