Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
