I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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