Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she peed on how many people?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
