Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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