walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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