I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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