dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
