i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
