Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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