are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
