pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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