She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
