he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
