I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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