Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
