Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
