I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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