some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i came on her dog
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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