I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
