I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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