Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
