I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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