Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
