I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
