I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
