I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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