I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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