how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
