It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
