My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize