I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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