redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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