i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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