When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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