wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
