your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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