I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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