so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
