i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
