he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
