I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
