if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
