he was CRYING into my vagina
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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