i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
