i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
