they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
