Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
