Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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