I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Welp...herpes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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