if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
