I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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